The Limitations of Christian Love Languages

The Christian 5 Love Languages

The Christian 5 love languages (Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch) are a well-known theory based on the biblical model of Jesus and his followers.

But the problem with these supposedly love-making principles is that they are based on extreme fundamental Christianity and exclude some people.

Receiving Gifts

When people speak this love language they appreciate receiving thoughtful gifts from their significant other. They don’t expect a big expensive present but rather something meaningful that shows their partner they took the time to pick it out just for them.

They also love when their significant other goes out of their way to do things for them like bringing them soup when they’re sick, making them coffee in the morning or picking up their dry cleaning. These acts are what fill their love tank.

Although you won’t find the term “love languages” in the Bible, the principles are all over it. We can see Jesus practicing all five of these: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

Words of Affirmation

People who have this love language appreciate positive affirmations, compliments and praise. They also value words of encouragement and inspiration. This love language can be spoken through gifts like a book by their favorite author or by creating a montage of photos and videos of memories shared together.

Affirmations are positive statements that can be said out loud or in your head and written down. These statements can counter the lies you may believe about yourself or others and replace them with truths rooted in Scripture. They can also help you build your confidence in Christ and become a source of strength for the world around you.

Quality Time

If you crave one-on-one attention from those you love then quality time is likely your primary language. This doesn’t have to involve a weekend getaway. Rather, it could be as simple as reading together or playing a board game. For this love language to work, however, you must be fully present. It’s important to leave the phone in another room and not think about work or other distractions.

People who speak this language value a deep conversation that moves through the steps of facts, thoughts, and feelings. They want to know that you’re listening intently and caring about them emotionally. While Gary Chapman may have coined this as a love language, Jesus demonstrated this in His own relationship with His disciples. He shared meals with them, took long walks, and taught them.

Acts of Service

People who speak the language of acts of service feel love through helpful actions or favors. This may include things like packing your spouse’s lunch, running errands for them, or helping with the chores around the house.

They appreciate thoughtful gestures that demonstrate your commitment to making their lives easier and happier. These are the kinds of things that help to fill their “love tank.”

As a Christian, you should find ways to show your spouse love in their own love language and pray for guidance as to how best to do this. Though you won’t find the term “love languages” in the Bible, the concepts are there – and Jesus did an incredible job of showing us how to use them! (Chapman, 2009). He lays out five different methods of expressing and receiving love. These are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

Physical Touch

People with this love language thrive on any form of physical touch. Hugs, back rubs, holding hands, and even a simple peck on the cheek fill their love tank. While sex can be part of this love language, it isn’t their primary one.

Having a healthy and loving relationship takes time and commitment. Learning your partner’s love languages is one way to help ensure that you’re both showing and receiving love in the most meaningful ways. Just be sure to always keep God at the center of your relationship. DISCLAIMER: If you are in an abusive relationship please seek professional assistance and help. Abuse is never okay!

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